I often meet parents who worry that their children don't speak English, that the child is very hyperactive, does not interact with others, does not follow instructions, because she/he has spent a lot of time at home especially due to COVID. Parents should start letting the child have their own journey. It is ok if your child is unable to speak English, sending the child to school will automatically improve their language skills. Instead, encourage your child to master their mother tongue. Research has proven that those children who master their native language are better thinkers and can express themselves better. It is ok if the child is throwing tantrums-we need to understand why the child is throwing tantrums in the first place, probably the child is unable to express the emotions and the outlet is a tantrum, something more than being a naughty kid is going on beneath that tender heart.
We, parents/educators/caregivers need to understand that we are not doing any favor by solving their problems or by being their savior. Resilient kids are made when they are put in situations where they are out of their comfort zone and have no choice but to survive!
Let me share some secrets today on how we can raise resilient and confident kids…
1. Do Not Rescue your child: I often see parents finishing their children's sentences. When a parent does this subconsciously, the child is programmed in a way where the child knows that there is always someone to rescue him/her from a situation if they are not able to cope with it. As simple as a small question on color identification, the parent simply jumps to the child's rescue without giving time to the poor child to comprehend what is being asked. A child needs typically 15 seconds of time to understand the question and frame an answer. It is very natural for the parent to be protective, but we need to understand if that is really helping the child, if not anything it's making them more dependent on us. It is important for children to take risks without feeling that they will be criticized or judged for doing something wrong/not meeting the expectations.
2. Nurture their special Interests: Exposing the child to a variety of activities and encouraging them to something he/she loves whether it's Dinosaurs or cooking-feel proud of their expertise, such kids are more likely to be successful in other areas of life.
3. Promote Problem-solving: "Kids are confident when they are able to negotiate what they want" says author of "Raising a thinking child" Myrna Shure. Research has found that you can teach a young child to solve a problem herself, the trick is to bite your tongue! When a child complains that someone grabbed her toy in the play area, reason out with the child about the various options on how to get back the toy and let the child come up with ideas. You will be surprised to hear some mature ideas.
4. Look for ways to help others: Let the children be a part of household activities and school activities. Small activities, like setting a table for dinner or helping the teacher with an activity in the classroom, gives the child a feeling of empowerment, and they feel more confident.
5. Focus on the glass half full: If your child feels disappointed by defeat, help her be more optimistic. For example if your child is behind her classmates in reading, don't say "It's ok I think you are the best", instead say "I know how disappointed you are" and maybe offer extra time helping her to improve on it.
6. Encourage them to try new things: Instead of focusing their energy on what they already excel at, it's good for kids to diversify. Attaining new skills makes the kids feel capable and confident that they can tackle whatever comes their way.
7. Praising Perseverance: Learning not to give up at the first frustration or bail is an important life skill. Confidence and self-esteem are not about succeeding at everything all the time, they are about being resilient enough to keep trying and not being distressed if you're not the best.
8. Let them make decisions: When a child gets a chance to make a choice from a young age, he/she will gain confidence in his/her own judgment. Of course, it's overwhelming having too much control, it's best to give your child two or three options to choose from. Let the child know that certain choices are up to the parent.
It's very important to nurture such skills in young children. No matter how good of a school the kids attend or best of the curriculums provided, if these skills are not garnered, then it is not too forthcoming to say that we need to rethink on how we want our children to be. All parents want their children to be leaders and not followers, but the question is, are we equipping our children with mechanisms to achieve that?
Please do provide your feedback. I would like to know what the parents think!
